I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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