I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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