I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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