They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
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