sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
