I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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