eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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