So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Slut skills are useful in every country.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
This is the high leading the old right now
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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