she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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