If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
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Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
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Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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