can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
