that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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