do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
