Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
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I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
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Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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