What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
