thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Randomize
