I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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