Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
