I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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