just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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