I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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