Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
