Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
