I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
