I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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