Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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