u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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