i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
