I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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