the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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