I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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