I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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