Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
