why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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