I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
