can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
