I must be too annoying 4 u.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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