Pants 0. Shit 1.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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