every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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