I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize