I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Be still, my beating vagina.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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