I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
