Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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