She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
