nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
third nipple confirmed
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
