I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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