Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
So vagazzling was a success
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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