toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
okay pat passed out under dana's car
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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