my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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