How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
