i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
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I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
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She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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