Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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