just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
