My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
