hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
We had sex on a dog bed..
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
