If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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