His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
