The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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