im drinking this country out of the recession.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
