Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
