My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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