I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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