worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Farmville is her only friend.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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