"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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