I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
