I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
