I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
