dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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