You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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