At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
