You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
