I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
