1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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