i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
