addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
either way he was missing a nipple.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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