My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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