is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
