4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
