Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
