Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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