I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
