just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
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she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
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Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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